What am I Missing
“Belief, like fear or love, is a force to be understood as we understand the theory of relativity and principals of uncertainty. Phenomena that determine the course of our lives. Yesterday, my life was headed in one direction. Today, it is headed in another. Yesterday, I believe I would never have done what I did today. These forces that often remake time and space, that can shape and alter who we
imagine ourselves to be, begin long before we are born and continue after we perish. Our lives and our choices, like quantum trajectories, are understood moment to moment. That each point of intersection, each encounter, suggest a new potential direction. Proposition, I have fallen in love with Luisa Rey. Is this possible? I just met her and yet, I feel like something important has happened to me”
I’m tired, so tired. I try day after day to teach people how to be better humans, to become stewards of the Earth, and to live the kind of life most only dream about. I offer it all at a price nearly anyone can afford. If someone were to take every class I offer and truly practice the skills—really live them—they’d become truly free.
We talk a lot about freedom in the Western world, but most of us are far from it. Invisible chains bind us to grocery stores, gas pumps, utility companies, and call centers. What we call freedom is often just convenience dressed up. True freedom means being able to make what you need with your own hands—from the landscape around you. It means building tools, gathering food, sustaining yourself. That’s the kind of freedom I’m trying to pass on.
And yet, it breaks my heart to watch the world pour millions into gadgets like a magnetic phone mount, that raised $1.3 million in a week, while my own fundraiser, meant to give me the tools to help free as many as my fellow humans to break the shackles, has raised only $20,000 in four and a half years. That alone says a lot about where we are as a species. True freedom, or a plastic thing that will end up in the landfill in a year or so.” Which do you choose?
Now, five months into suburban purgatory, with my business 8 months behind schedule because as one of my favorite reggae bands says “Beware of certain voices in the wilderness, for they shall lead you to desolate places.” I have been purposely manipulated to knock me from my path so others can get ahead in a race that shouldn’t exist in our world, if we truly listened to my father’s words.
I’m starting to wonder if it’s all worth it. After 46 years existing in the worlds of Nature Connection and Ancestral skills, I look out the window and see a land full of people who’ve forgotten they’re alive. I want to shake them and point to the red-tailed hawk overhead. I want to tell them the “weed” growing from the sidewalk crack is not only edible, but medicinal. Some people care. Most don’t.
Still, I try. I’m attempting, for the third and final time to grow a simple sustainable business, after making the worst mistake ever. Trusting in others ideas and offers, instead of listening to my inner-vision.
Because of all that’s happened, everything I have lost, One of the few regrets I have is that I was not able to be by my fathers side when he took his final breath. I also don’t see a way of getting home for the celebration of my fathers life. Acorrding to my original plan I would be most of the way there right now.
Instead I am writing this from a spare room, in my friend, student and teachers house. A true caretaker, someone who’s fed and sheltered me. In fact I may not be alive if it weren’t for him. As he is giving me the space to grow my business, and frankly the last chance, so I can fight to keep this vision alive. It’s cost me nearly everything: my mental and physical health, my finances, my peace of mind. But I press on, because I know what’s possible. I’ve seen the miracles Nature offers when we live a wide-angle life.
My new “Pay what You Will” Classes have been a hit, and things are finally coming together. But previous mistakes have decimated my finances. Ultimately, I am at the center of my own storm, but I have been mislead, as well.
Could I go get a job? Of course. I’ve held administrative-level positions at multimillion-dollar companies. I could earn more in a year than I have in five doing this. But that is not my Vision, and I would suffer far worse than I am now. I trudge on because of the promises, to my father, to my students, and to the Earth itself. So here I am, finishing the archery course I’ll add to the schedule shortly, and updating the YouTube Live link for this Friday’s “T3: Reads TBJR” class. while also building out a whole new section of my website.
To my fellow luminous beings: we can change things, but only if we act as a true community and reconnect with the living world. I’ve given everything I have to this path, and I would give more. I’ve been ready for over 25 years to lay my life down for this vision. I just hoped I’d have a little more time, because there’s still so much to share. The stress is taking a toll. Lyme disease and the weight of it all are wearing me down.
I was born on November 3, 1978. Little did I know that I would be one of the few humans on earth that would not have free will. I was given something far more precious, and that is a vision, handed from one generation to the next, and I will teach until my last breath. It’s as if the universe chose me for this work, and I’ve always known that this was the only road I could walk. Even in the hardest moments, I take pride, the honest kind, in the thousands of lives I’ve touched over the past 25 years. And I know my father, and the generations before him, are proud too. As far as the last 4 horrid years go? Other than losing my Parents, and my dog of 18 years, I wouldn’t change a thing about it, because it has been one of the most valuable learning experiences of my life. I pray to all of creation to let me show the world what I have spent a lifetime shaping.
I’m building a brighter future—not just for myself, but for all of us. But, I need HELP On every level. Join me. Add your drop to the ocean I’m trying to create. As the quote from my favorite movie “Cloud Atlas” goes:
“My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops?”
Let’s be the tide that turns the world. Print out the flier below and use it to spread the word. I’ve also finally have the time to build 3 custom throwing sticks I am raffling off. You can purchase tickets on the webasite. I still have all the people from the previouse raffle that will be automatically included!
Thank you for reading my words.
Peace Love Joy and purpose to you all,
T3
