The Circle is Complete.
Part 1
“There and back again: A Journey of Truth, and rebirth”
“There is probably no more terrible instant of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man - with human flesh.”
Medicine Bow, Wyoming the site where I filmed last week monthly free cast online live event. To view the recording click here
A little over two weeks ago, my friend, Cassie and I packed up and hit the road for New Jersey to attend the celebration of my father’s life. It was a journey I knew would be difficult, but nothing could have prepared me for the gift that awaited me.
Freedom
A veil mist lifted from my eyes. Everything, and every facet of these last difficult years was revealed for what it truly was. That these last few years, which, until a few hours ago, I looked upon with the disdain and utter hatred only to realize that they were some of the best of my life. Of course, I could've done without a few events, such as the passing of my parents and the loss of the two best friends I have ever had.
One day, hopefully many years from now when I write my memoirs and share every detail, I will have the ability to truly express the magnitude of growth and adaptation. The only pop culture reference I can think that comes close is in the movie the matrix, the first time Neo is shown the truth of all things. It's as if I caught the eye of some omnipotent being, and forgive the cheesy ThunderCats reference, but I have been given sight beyond sight. In the last 1000+ days, I have been tested on every level at maximum power and though I'm barely standing because of it, in every other way, I am stronger than I have ever been. A month ago I still felt like Sisophus pushing a giant boulder of all of my anxieties, fears, insecurities, and anger. Every so often, I would almost get it over the edge only a slip and watch it roll down the hill. Thanks to the words of two people I greatly admire, One morning I woke and looked at the Boulder. As I leaned down to put my shoulder into it, I thought "what the hell am I doing?” I left that boulder where it belongs and wandered without time or destination up the hill and crested the ridge and saw my life for what it truly was. And even though for over a year now the first thing I say upon waking is "today is the first day of the rest of my life.” I realize it was all practice for the day that statement would become truth. A journey of self discovery that started with the photo below.
A red winged blackbird fighting at own reflection
The First Lesson: not prioritizing self-care and working myself nearly to death. Due to the simple fact that I was my own worst enemy.
Buy some random cosmic occurrence, my soul was cast into the body of the son of Tom and Judy Brown. My early childhood was amazing. From as far back as I can remember, I had no rules that I was made to follow except those of earth mother. I could wander off into the woods behind the farm I loved so much and knew the 2 miles of Musconetcong River so well that any day of the year I can walk down into the waters with my fly rod and catch a fish on nearly every cast.
Even though I have engaged upon this river, my favorite of all time, the mighty musky, I could tell you where five fish are sitting
A week and a half ago, I saw that river again for the first time in many years and as my father witnessed Grandfather do many years ago in a cedar swamp an hour and a half south, I approached the edge as if I were about to see the most holy relic of all time. With tears in my eyes, I slowly knelt down, with both hands in front of me I slowly lowered them until the tips of each of my 10 fingers made contact with creation, all that ever was, as well as possible and probable futures. I was reminded what it was like to be truly wild and free. It was at that moment that I cast the shackles off, that have been holding me down and stood a new man, my father’s son, but so much more.
I had an epic childhood that was very unique. Two parents who were constantly on the move, one passing on sacred knowledge and the other, making it possible for him to do so. Up to a certain age, I was always followed by somebody and every month I would look forward to anywhere from 60 to 100 new Aunts and Uncles. I watched, I listened, and I learned, my childhood was priceless with the duties of addressing many students and all their needs. I was left to my own devices. It was great until many years later I realized I missed out on something.
The last non-mobile dwelling I had was in the basement of a beautiful cabin owned by a very happy family. They had one son who had just graduated college and another that was about to graduate. When they were all together, sitting just on the other side of the wall from me at night as I feverishly pecked away at my keyboard, wondering what the hell I was doing wrong, I would listen to them laugh and be a family, and I would cry. Of course, my family loved me, but I have very few memories like that, and I can recall most of my childhood with pinpoint accuracy.
I love and miss my parents with every fiber of my being, but at the same time I am sad. Sad, they didn't take better care of themselves as they both passed on far too young all because of work first, self-care last.
In a few short weeks I shall depart the city of roses for Montana and truly begin to fulfill the vision that my father laid at my feet, and I more than willingly picked up. For now, I truly understand what he meant on the October night in 2008 when he told me that our paths were to part and that one day, I would reach more people than he ever dreamed of. It wasn't until but a week ago that I ever thought that possible. And now I know in my heart of hearts it is as true as the North Star.
I am a tool, crafted by the love of a young couple with a Vision for a bright future. And now finally, I have achieved what I believe to be one of the most important things in a person's life. That is learning the good lessons from your parents, not repeating the bad ones and not settling for anything less.
There is a special person I want to thank who is part of my worldwide Tracker family and has been keeper of a secret ceremony that has occurred multiple times a year for decades, and a keeper all of my father's teachings. This past Sunday, I finally let all of the bad stuff go when I placed my stick on the fire. I pressed it the small stick, shaped like a “Y” into the scared fire, I dumped all my garbage into the stick, impressed it into the fire with my whole hand into the coals and held it there, and when I pulled my hand away, which by all rights should've been charred was untouched, and I felt light as a feather. But don't confuse my words into believing that I won't ever make any mistakes or have to occasionally postpone a class session as I just did.
Now have somebody helping me with my website which frees up so much of my time, and another person who is going to act as my “public relations” writer, and editor. I am so honored that these two people give their own precious time something that is priceless to all of us to help me realize my vision because they believe in my work and one promise I can make to you as it's only going to get better from here. Being that I am moving again, I'm trying to set it up so that there is no hiccups in programming and will not add anything that will start fresh until after I have arrived. By opening myself up like this as a business person, I take great risk, but I'm already seeing more students and things are looking up. I'm glad I can text my little brother again and then filled with gratitude.
My target is to get settled in my new area and get into the baseline. Then I will go from there being around a supportive community for once. Thank you for all your help to get there. One favor, I ask that you spread the word as I'm still banned from certain social media outlets.
That being said, by the time you read this most likely have made adjustments to the classes so you can register for any of them you like. Each class is rooted in the same teachings that shaped my own journey—wilderness living skills, nature connection practices, survival awareness, and the mindset work needed to navigate a world in constant transition. These aren’t just skills for the backcountry, they’re skills for life.
I’ll be adding new classes as I can, to keep the flow of information to the people. So, whether you’re new to the path or looking to deepen what you already know, there will always be something fresh to explore - from fire-making and shelter-building to mindset sharpening and intuitive tracking. The aim is to create a growing library of teachings that serve real people in real time.
If you’ve been following my journey for a while—especially through these recent, turbulent chapters — I just want to say thank you. Your support, encouragement, and belief in this work have helped me keep going, even when it felt like the road was crumbling beneath me.
With that, I asked that you help me get just a little further down the road because even though this has been my most successful season yet since switching to the” Pay -What-you-will” business model and it has helped me cleared up many of my debts, but I'm not quite there yet. Sorry I asked that you please consider helping me subsidize my work until I grow my student base a bit more I can be done by simply taking any of my classes and contributing what you can or visiting the “Help Preserve The Vision” Page. Also, I will soon be opening up a second side of my website that will include everything from the gear I recommend, to books, as well as other organizations I know to be top-notch. That side of the website will require membership registration but it will be free. Help me keep this sense of purpose going as I am days away from departing into the unknown with a few less resources I would like and in return, I will develop and deliver the best possible stated the art online education that is available to everybody regardless of their bank account. It feels so good to be able to get back and know that none shall be blocked from critical information that will help them become the best. They can be the most comfortable while amongst the wild places.
I don’t know exactly what comes next, but I do know this: I’m walking it with more honesty, more humility, and more grit than ever before. One last thing. Now that I have a small team assembled with a few more to come on board and my impending move to Montana, which will officially begin everything.
I've been planning for four years, now more than ever I am seeking those willing to help me continue the Vision my father passed on to me. If you aren't interested in helping me continue my father's legacy click here.
Lastly I owe great thanks to a few ver special people. People who embody the way of the Caretaker and always saw and believed in the real me. Id like to especially thank the world's best bass player, a lady from France, a person who embodies who at the scout, and deserves a public apology, a therapist and sacred fire keeper, a guy from Alaska who maintains the very optical equipment I use to take my photos, as well as microscopes that cost millions of dollars in Antarctica!, another guy who live in desert paradise I am NEVER to the address of, another friend in Alaska, who is one of the strongest women whos friendship I cherish, my friends near the river who make drums and tend the plant people, and too many others to name. A few weeks from now I will head east to Montana to start this crazy journey. Stay tuned because things are going to get fun!
Lets walk it together.
Stay wild,
T3-DigiNatural Nomad
